Wajiha Hyder

Tag: notes

• To be Invisible

  Posted at 12:37 am by Wajiha, on July 30, 2015

  I sometimes think my life lacks purpose, scratch that, this thought frequents my mind more than sometimes. This thought makes me; I am it. That would be a better description of my mind. I made this blog in 2009, by the name of Random Thoughts. I was more of myself back then. My thoughts were random yes, but they were mine. I was willing to express myself. I was not afraid to be me. To be who I was. What I was essentially made of. I shared my thoughts without inhibition. And I was fine. I was a happy person back then. Not afraid of being perceived as an idiot who didn’t know/cared much about the “popular” opinion.

  It’s been six years since I wrote my first post on this blog. But I didn’t know what to do with a blog then, I was just happy to have found an outlet. I still don’t know what to do with it today. But I write more reluctantly, my thoughts are more random, my crises more severe. My life seems purposeless to me because of the high standards I set for myself initially. When I always knew in the heart of my hearts, I wasn’t cut out to become the person I always wanted to be.

  I’ve been looking in the wrong direction all my life and now I feel lost. I don’t feel I can go back and to go further in the same direction would devastate me even more. What to do then? Just let it be. Stay where I am and expect it all to get better miraculously. I have ample reason to believe that this crises of mine will become severe with age. And as I heard somewhere, a crises at 55 is much worse than a crises at 35.

  I changed the name of this blog because I wanted to be absolutely invisible. I wanted to become invisible on Google. I wanted to delete the memory of ‘random thoughts’ from my mind. But I guess in this day and age, there is no escape from who you are or who you have become. Does that mean then, that you cannot start afresh? That you keep going ahead in the same direction and forget about where you’d want to go instead? Does that mean you’re stuck where you are and there is no hope left for you?

  These are my random thoughts. And they will continue. With a new name.

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  Posted in ramblings | 0 Comments | Tagged hope, invisible, life, notes, random, thoughts, words

• Bitter

  Posted at 7:31 pm by Wajiha, on May 7, 2015

  Past is called the past for a reason. It signifies something that we have experienced but notice the emphasis on “experienced”. Meaning, it is never going to be repeated again; under any circumstances. Now man is a curious animal. For the first twenty-five odd years of his life, he spends his life anticipating “the future” and when that future is reached (not necessarily achieved) he feels lost. We don’t know what to do when we reach that crucial point in life, called the middle age, arguably the most controversial of all stage of life. Where our past is gone, finished, done with; and our future, the one that glares brightly in our face, is the future we never anticipated! Let’s face it. We never thought we’d get old, dependent or grey; it was not what we signed up for. We thought we’d stay forever young, forever capable, and forever beautiful. And then suddenly life meets us at this unimaginably ugly little place, called the middle age. It’s the point where our past is still so fresh in our minds that we want to run towards it, hoping to catch it somehow, to bring it back. We don’t want to our youth to abandon us. We struggle to say goodbye to our beauty. But the more we try to resist the more we move away from the remnants of what we once were. We become jealous, fiercely so; even bitter. We feel wronged by Mother Nature herself, when she always showed us all the signs. We saw our parents growing old in front of us and our grandparents die. One by one. But we never thought we’d get old as well.

  But it is our choice. It is our choice to remain bitter or to make something out of the inevitable self that WILL meet us sometime in future, to meet it in grace. And no, it is not as easy as those self-help books sometimes suggest. It is a constant struggle everyday, every minute, every second. It is keeping the guards up against all the negativity that will confront us. It is to turn it away, it is to rise and shine. It is to embrace who I am, and embrace the fact that I am growing older. To stop reminiscing about what’s gone and to start anticipating the future.

  Always. Anticipating the future.

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  Posted in Words | 0 Comments | Tagged future, hope, life, notes, past, present, regret, thoughts, words, youth

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  Had the most gorgeous hot chocolate after centuries. I think I’ll be frequenting Mocca for some time to come. And to top it off, this sinfully delightful cheesecake. Such temptations! Also, my phone’s camera has officially reached its retirement age.

  Hope..

  “There is nothing more to be said or to be done tonight, so hand me over my violin and let us try to forget for half an hour the miserable weather and the still more miserable ways of our fellowmen.” . — Arthur Conan Doyle, The Five Orange Pips (The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes)

  I still can’t believe that Game of Thrones has ended — even if they completely screwed it up towards the end. Sigh. But as far as I think, despite the last season being extremely rushed and poorly executed, the show couldn’t have ended in a better way. Whatever happened, had to happen eventually. But the plot needed more development.. and the last episode alone needed a whole season to itself. They completely twisted the narrative in the last two episodes and wanted the audience to ‘just understand’. . . I just hope Mr Martin gives us more detail and develops the plot a bit more in the remaining books.. oh and here’s hoping that he actually writes them so we get some kind of closure! . . So what did you think about the series finale?

  Today.

  “We eat the year away. We eat the spring and the summer and the fall. We wait for something to grow and then we eat it.” . — Shirley Jackson, We Have Always Lived in the Castle

  “If you sit down and think about it sensibly, you come up with some very funny ideas. Like: why make people inquisitive, and then put some forbidden fruit where they can see it with a big neon finger flashing on and off saying 'THIS IS IT!'? ... I mean, why do that if you really don't want them to eat it, eh? I mean, maybe you just want to see how it all turns out. Maybe it's all part of a great big ineffable plan. All of it. You, me, him, everything. Some great big test to see if what you've built all works properly, eh? You start thinking: it can't be a great cosmic game of chess, it has to be just very complicated Solitaire.” . — Neil Gaiman , Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch . . I can’t wait for the show, which releases on Prime Video on the 31st. For the time being though, I have the book, which I’m reading these days for the third time now if I’m not wrong. Always a treat! . . Do watch the show, even if you don’t feel like reading the book. This is one show that must not be missed! #goodomens #neilgaiman #goodomensprime

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