It is now my time to finally move on…
Last time I wrote on this blog, it was 2017 and my life was much different from the way it seems right now. 2018 brought with it a lot of changes. Many that I liked, many that I didn’t; but mostly those that were necessary. It was a turbulent year, but it was a year of immense learning. It was the year when finally got up for what I believed in and went ahead with what I thought was right for me.
This was the year when I found out that people’s opinions of you and your actions will always be there regardless of what you say or do. They will say things because that’s what they do. They will say things that will hurt you and make you question your life’s decisions. What truly matters, however, is whether it matters to you or not.
2018 was the year when I learnt that my parents – no matter how much they disagree with me – are my ultimate rock.
I also realised that my children are my pillar of strength. I may have not been an ideal parent (although what’s ideal is debatable), but it has been one hell of a ride. They have taught me things that only a child can teach you – that is if you’re willing to learn. I realised that where life is cruel, it is forgiving as well. That you don’t have to live according to someone else’s definition of your life. That you can choose. That you should choose. You owe this much to yourself. You have but one life.
Cliched as it is, 2018 was the year when I finally realised how difficult it is to be a woman. That, if a woman chooses to go her own way, she will be ridiculed, infantilised, and maligned. I also realised that I have a lot more strength than I have ever given myself credit for.
I realised that it is okay to want what you want and to just walk away from what you think suffocates you.
That you will get to know who your real friends are, only in times of adversity. That whatever can happen will eventually happen and no one will be able to do anything about it.
There will be no New Year’s resolutions this year. 2019 is the year that I may or may not remember for the rest of my life for whatever that may or may not happen in it. But it is now my time to finally move on. To move ahead … to move away from all the things I never was.
Yesterday, I came across this post by Deborah Bryan which made me think about another one of my new year’s resolutions. Ah yes. I have many of ‘em, many—Like every year. Le sigh.
Well, I have been seriously avoiding myself of late, I use ‘avoid’ here because that’s exactly what I mean. I do not want to be alone with myself anymore, a thing that I usually enjoyed some time back. But that’s a story that deserves an entire post to itself.
I also neglected myself a lot last year, due to certain unavoidable factors, which unfortunately resulted in a slight increase in my weight, a thing that has never happened to me before. Now I must confess, I am a foodie, I love food; i live for it. I am the sort of person who’d keep an eye on the roadside billboards to see if any new eatery has opened in town, and usually among the first ones to go try it out. So yes, I dream food, live food. For me, to actually try and resist food is a huge, huge issue. But as they say, what you’re in your 30’s, you’d probably stay like that forever— Weight wise, strictly speaking. Quite frankly, i’m not a teenager anymore so I’d better not act like one too. So recently, I have adopted this five meals a day routine where I don’t go out of the way to limit my diet (because let’s just admit it, I can’t). I just eat whatever has been cooked at home, in very small amounts. That way, I can usually eat all the things I want but obviously not in the typical enormous amounts that I used to pamper myself with until sometime back. One doesn’t ‘go’ on a diet, as is misunderstood generally; one has to opt for a lifestyle change. Due to which you need to stick to something you can probably stick to forever. Quite frankly, I do not think I can handle liquid diets, protein diets or any such crash diets, I don’t know much about them, but from the sound of what i’ve heard and read about them, they just don’t seem right.
So there! Let’s see where this leads me. I seriously hope this doesn’t turn out to be one of those New Year resolutions which collapse after the first month.
I’ve got them fingers crossed. Aye!