It is now my time to finally move on…
Last time I wrote on this blog, it was 2017 and my life was much different from the way it seems right now. 2018 brought with it a lot of changes. Many that I liked, many that I didn’t; but mostly those that were necessary. It was a turbulent year, but it was a year of immense learning. It was the year when finally got up for what I believed in and went ahead with what I thought was right for me.
This was the year when I found out that people’s opinions of you and your actions will always be there regardless of what you say or do. They will say things because that’s what they do. They will say things that will hurt you and make you question your life’s decisions. What truly matters, however, is whether it matters to you or not.
2018 was the year when I learnt that my parents – no matter how much they disagree with me – are my ultimate rock.
I also realised that my children are my pillar of strength. I may have not been an ideal parent (although what’s ideal is debatable), but it has been one hell of a ride. They have taught me things that only a child can teach you – that is if you’re willing to learn. I realised that where life is cruel, it is forgiving as well. That you don’t have to live according to someone else’s definition of your life. That you can choose. That you should choose. You owe this much to yourself. You have but one life.
Cliched as it is, 2018 was the year when I finally realised how difficult it is to be a woman. That, if a woman chooses to go her own way, she will be ridiculed, infantilised, and maligned. I also realised that I have a lot more strength than I have ever given myself credit for.
I realised that it is okay to want what you want and to just walk away from what you think suffocates you.
That you will get to know who your real friends are, only in times of adversity. That whatever can happen will eventually happen and no one will be able to do anything about it.
There will be no New Year’s resolutions this year. 2019 is the year that I may or may not remember for the rest of my life for whatever that may or may not happen in it. But it is now my time to finally move on. To move ahead … to move away from all the things I never was.
Yesterday, I came across this post by Deborah Bryan which made me think about another one of my new year’s resolutions. Ah yes. I have many of ‘em, many—Like every year. Le sigh.
Well, I have been seriously avoiding myself of late, I use ‘avoid’ here because that’s exactly what I mean. I do not want to be alone with myself anymore, a thing that I usually enjoyed some time back. But that’s a story that deserves an entire post to itself.
I also neglected myself a lot last year, due to certain unavoidable factors, which unfortunately resulted in a slight increase in my weight, a thing that has never happened to me before. Now I must confess, I am a foodie, I love food; i live for it. I am the sort of person who’d keep an eye on the roadside billboards to see if any new eatery has opened in town, and usually among the first ones to go try it out. So yes, I dream food, live food. For me, to actually try and resist food is a huge, huge issue. But as they say, what you’re in your 30’s, you’d probably stay like that forever— Weight wise, strictly speaking. Quite frankly, i’m not a teenager anymore so I’d better not act like one too. So recently, I have adopted this five meals a day routine where I don’t go out of the way to limit my diet (because let’s just admit it, I can’t). I just eat whatever has been cooked at home, in very small amounts. That way, I can usually eat all the things I want but obviously not in the typical enormous amounts that I used to pamper myself with until sometime back. One doesn’t ‘go’ on a diet, as is misunderstood generally; one has to opt for a lifestyle change. Due to which you need to stick to something you can probably stick to forever. Quite frankly, I do not think I can handle liquid diets, protein diets or any such crash diets, I don’t know much about them, but from the sound of what i’ve heard and read about them, they just don’t seem right.
So there! Let’s see where this leads me. I seriously hope this doesn’t turn out to be one of those New Year resolutions which collapse after the first month.
I’ve got them fingers crossed. Aye!
So it’s that time of the year again. Where we stop making sense and start making resolutions. Actually the time has come and gone but well, it’s never really late to straighten up your life. Many would say the realization in itself is half of the issue solved— the realization that there is something essentially wrong with your life. That realization is always there at the back of our minds. The sort where every minute of your life reminds you of the fact that the road you’ve taken is the not the one you’d intended to. And quite ironically, that happens mostly when you’ve covered half of the distance. Or you think you’ve covered it; or you have covered the distance that the world thinks you ought to cover. There are endless elucidations, but the bottom line always comes down to the single element that you KNOW that there is something incorrect which needs to be adjusted in order for you to be satisfied with your life. Satisfaction with life is quite a relative notion, like anything and everything else in life. Most people I’ve come across have never comprehended my yearning for something more than I already possess. They would directly or indirectly take it into the realm of ungratefulness— Because there is this inherent problem with most people in general to associate desire for perfection with ungratefulness. Perfection cannot be achieved, it cannot even be explained. And then everyone’s perfection is different. Perfection is relative, satisfaction is relative, and similarly ingratitude is relative. I am grateful for everything that I have, but that does not and should not stop me from wanting what I know I can achieve. Wanting to achieve my potential, whatever that may be, does not automatically make me ungrateful for what I have. These two things, in my opinion should not be interlinked. Even if I do not know what I want to have more than I already have, the very fact that I KNOW that I can achieve more and that I have not yet achieved my potential, would make me want more than I have. Which as a result will make me a little discontented with life. But at the same time, I would not stop acknowledging what I do possess. And I would certainly not become ‘ungrateful’ for it. It’s almost comical how everyone else except you KNOW that you are an ungrateful person, just because you have expressed the desire to achieve more that you already have. Anyway, I can go on and on with this drivel.
My purpose of writing this post today is that I have a new year’s resolution this year to share. Yes, you read it right. Actually I have a confession to make. I have been snubbing my real life of late. I have been wasting shit loads of time on these Social networking sites, which have suddenly emerged all over the Internet. My excuse is to tell myself that this is the 21st century and this is not a luxury anymore and has long become a necessity. Another one of my favorite excuses is that one needs to stay abreast with all the latest developments, lest the kids take you for a ride when they grow up. All a bunch of blatant lies I like to indulge myself in. So I am taking a plunge— I’m shutting down my Twitter account for starters today. At least for now. I really can’t say if it’s for good or that i’d be back after a little while (like i always do). But I seriously am having issues with myself, there are questions I need to answer, and for me to tackle all that, I need a break from this circus called social networking. For the moment. I need to get back to my real life. Too much time has been wasted trying to fit in, I just can’t afford to squander any more of my time doing what is being done just because it is something that is supposed to be done in this day and age. Hats off to people who can manage everything perfectly both online AND offline and still stay sane. But for me, it just doesn’t work anymore. So there.
And now that it is out of my system, I must hit the sack, since the winter vacation has almost ended, there’s lots of work to be done over the weekend, it’s bloody cold these days and kids’ schools are due to open on Monday. I am also aiming to update this almost dead blog of mine more often this year— another one of those resolutions that seldom work, but hey, one can hope. One can always hope. Since hope is presumably the thing that makes this world go round. I reckon.