To wake up haunted by a couple of grisly nightmares and eerie headaches has become a routine for me these days. I should probably think less and definitely lesser about whatever I consume my overworked mind with. I do not remember the last time i woke up and sprang out of bed to greet the day with vigour. I do not wish to be aware of whatever that’s happening to me. I think I finally am losing my mind that I so successfully managed to keep in one piece for such a long time. Or has this negative thinking gobbled up my entire being? I need to get out of this despondent attitude. This obsession of trying to make everybody happy shall be the death of me. Or perhaps it probably has killed me already, I don’t know.
My refusal to grow up is either my deepest mistake or my greatest achievement. I do not know what i have done to deserve to be like this. Everyone around me is changing. But i just do not know how to— i am not even sure if i really want to. But it is a curse. To be the same forever, to be stuck for an eternity in a self you’d not want to let go of, but still despise. To be confined to a specific era while the world around you moves on. Everyone you know changes, leaving you alone in a world that no longer exists. And the misery is more so if you think it should not, too.
People around me know better. They’re moving on…. They’re doing the right thing too. To think the way i do is a curse and i would not wish it upon anyone. Anyone at all.