So Diffident

I will write today. Not because I have to or am required to butbecause my heart tells not to. My heart has been pretty adamant about my notputting any words on paper lately. Silly thing it is, really. If only i could somehow get over this defeatist attitude ofmine and simply just write, if only for the sake of it. Sigh.

I have now been plaguedwith a block, I do not have any understanding of, for as long as I canrecollect. A cousin very rightly puts it, “if you’re suffering from a neverending writer’s block you must understand what that essentially means”. Yes, Iknow what that means, but I will always refuse to succumb to this uncomfortablesuggestion.

I am not acquainted with the person that I have become lately. I’m not really sure I’d ever want to even. I am on the verge of losing whateversense of self I thought I was blessed with. A fact that deeply saddens me,since it does mark the possible existence of a disturbing attribute that I alwaysdid pride myself on not having: Insecurity.

My sense of humour (which wasalready on its death bed) has now been completely replaced with fake and oftenidiotic attempts at being witty. A thing which usually does more harmthan good.

Now man is a strange animal; but stranger without the mostsignificant senses of humor and self. Murky too, if you know what I mean, andmurkier indeed.

Change is the only constant in life, as someone rightly saidonce. Even the seemingly negative ones are for the better, as we usually realize later in this journey of life. Ah but change is a bitch. And a spiteful one at that.
Oh and before I forget, the credit for this post mainly goes to Diana Murdoch since her post Change doesn’t have to be painful actually started the ball rolling or, in this case, my fingers over the keyboard.  

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